Im skitzo/bipolar/parinod.an im confused about everything..?

im 19 very antisocial,i cant remember half of my life due to the fact ive gone crazy..i dont have any help from any body because every 1 just lol at me so i stopped careing,at least i think.if u dont understand me sorry.i live wit my gma an i sleep on the floor.i get a check but i need a cosighner to get my own place.some 1 please help me find something.ive been looking for counslers/therapist/pyscoligist,but i cant find anything.y did this happin to me.in my pics i petray myself to be gangsta or a thug but thats not me..i dont know who i am an thats mested up....